Finally I am ending my torment temporarily tomorrow, as tomorrow will be my Block Exam.
Seriously these exams are making me losing self confidence. Fuck them. No matter how much I study, all the questions and the answers look like I am seeing them for the first time. I admit I do not study a lot, but it is not the kind of feeling like this: "Shit, I forget this thing la, should have studied more.", but it is like this: "What is this? Why never see this thing one?"
I just hope that everything goes fine tomorrow and I will get whatever best for me. And today I plan to torture my body, keeping myself awake 24 hours before the exam. This means, 5 hours sleep? I think I will cut down to 3.
Well, recently I watched a lot of youtube videos for Warcraft and Starcraft. And also I have decided to help batch 08 to earn this year's DotA champion.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Sunday, March 28, 2010
return to dota for tournament?
PKPMI-CY Dota Tournament in 1 month time, should I join?
The 08 first team has been surviving without me for a few games, and from what I heard the results were not bad. So, should I still be the sub in the team?
If I am going to play in this tournament, should I start training back?
If I am not really needed in first team, while other teams might need me, should I join them?
Seriously I doubt I can do as good as I could 2 months ago. I have been away from Dota for almost 2 months, except on friends' birthday. Should I consider myself a pro or a noob now? I would say that I am just normal.
I told them that even if I play, I would not be the drafter. It is so fucked up to let someone who stopped playing Dota for a few months to draft for a team who play average 3 games a week. Another thing is I have no confidence in myself to carry this responsibility.
Now what I am worrying is the number of teams that will participate in the tournament. The worst thing we can see is only 5 teams in the tournament. Why? Because 09 juniors although I have asked one of them to form at least 2 teams from their batch, I am not confident that they will make it. I mean, to form 2 teams. Another thing is the koas seniors might not be able to join, so 06 seniors might combine to form only 1 team, in worst case.
5 teams only, with only one eliminated and four will go to semi, sounds stupid right?
I hope everything will be fine, and 8 teams will be in the tournament like what I expected.
And also, I hope there will be Warcraft III tournament also. For some serious pawnage!
The 08 first team has been surviving without me for a few games, and from what I heard the results were not bad. So, should I still be the sub in the team?
If I am going to play in this tournament, should I start training back?
If I am not really needed in first team, while other teams might need me, should I join them?
Seriously I doubt I can do as good as I could 2 months ago. I have been away from Dota for almost 2 months, except on friends' birthday. Should I consider myself a pro or a noob now? I would say that I am just normal.
I told them that even if I play, I would not be the drafter. It is so fucked up to let someone who stopped playing Dota for a few months to draft for a team who play average 3 games a week. Another thing is I have no confidence in myself to carry this responsibility.
Now what I am worrying is the number of teams that will participate in the tournament. The worst thing we can see is only 5 teams in the tournament. Why? Because 09 juniors although I have asked one of them to form at least 2 teams from their batch, I am not confident that they will make it. I mean, to form 2 teams. Another thing is the koas seniors might not be able to join, so 06 seniors might combine to form only 1 team, in worst case.
5 teams only, with only one eliminated and four will go to semi, sounds stupid right?
I hope everything will be fine, and 8 teams will be in the tournament like what I expected.
And also, I hope there will be Warcraft III tournament also. For some serious pawnage!
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
青衫隐
掩木门 月冷回旧地 凝眸处 寒烟衰草凄
一口烟霞烈火 饮不尽 灼热满喉哪段回忆
暮云低 朔风卷酒旗 交错的 今时或往昔
琴音声声若泣 晚风急 残月看尽多少别离
望雪落千里 将青衫隐去 隔天涯 不盼有相见期
酌酒独饮 再剑舞风起 空阶雨 多少成追忆
乱云飞 青锋三尺义 杜鹃醉 傲骨隐青衣
不过一眼望去 相思意 眉间心上无力回避
谁低语 千里故人稀 谁挑眉 未悔平生意
桃花笑尽春风 再难觅 何处相守何来相聚
望雪落千里 将青衫隐去 隔天涯 不盼有相见期
再把酒凭祭 一醉问天地 黄泉远 孤魂又何依
望雪落千里 将青衫隐去 隔天涯 不盼有相见期
策马故里 何处是往昔 杯空停 落梅如雪砌
枉梦痕依稀 任尘世来去 知几许 多情自伤己
三两声 零乱不成曲 拾寒阶 苔滑任尘积
不如不如归去 子规啼 参商永离何时归期
这首歌也是我个人喜欢的一首。从词至曲，都不会让我厌倦。
一口烟霞烈火 饮不尽 灼热满喉哪段回忆
暮云低 朔风卷酒旗 交错的 今时或往昔
琴音声声若泣 晚风急 残月看尽多少别离
望雪落千里 将青衫隐去 隔天涯 不盼有相见期
酌酒独饮 再剑舞风起 空阶雨 多少成追忆
乱云飞 青锋三尺义 杜鹃醉 傲骨隐青衣
不过一眼望去 相思意 眉间心上无力回避
谁低语 千里故人稀 谁挑眉 未悔平生意
桃花笑尽春风 再难觅 何处相守何来相聚
望雪落千里 将青衫隐去 隔天涯 不盼有相见期
再把酒凭祭 一醉问天地 黄泉远 孤魂又何依
望雪落千里 将青衫隐去 隔天涯 不盼有相见期
策马故里 何处是往昔 杯空停 落梅如雪砌
枉梦痕依稀 任尘世来去 知几许 多情自伤己
三两声 零乱不成曲 拾寒阶 苔滑任尘积
不如不如归去 子规啼 参商永离何时归期
这首歌也是我个人喜欢的一首。从词至曲，都不会让我厌倦。
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Saturday, March 20, 2010
行云难
看别人（尤其是比我年轻的人）为情所困，因情而愁，总会感叹：现在的人啊……
躲在房间，面壁思过，终究想不到自己能够有什么多余的时间去牵涉这个情字。
二十岁了，一直都是单身，可谓单身贵族。
要承受的，可真多啊。
外来的，内在的，统统都是压力，把我压得透不过气。
每当朋友谈论他们的童年，他们小时候看的卡通片，他们所玩所闹的趣事，我都只能静静地聆听。
我没有如别人无忧无虑的童年。
从小就背着重袱。
长大了，就开始寻找能够带着我飞的翅膀，抛弃了小时候寒窗的生活。
可是，我能够吗？
习惯了被人妒忌，被人崇拜，被人仰慕。
现在却习惯了为人垫底。
从先知成了现在的不知。
因而又出现了压力。
不认识我的人，一定会想错两件事。
第一，他们会认为我是很安静的。
错。
我之所以安静，是为了减少麻烦。
未办的事已够多了，我不想再为别人分担。
第二，我的年龄。
是因为我身边都是比我老的人，导致我看起来比实际上老？
还是生活上的种种压力，把我老化了？
人心难测。
表面上看起来和蔼可亲的人，其实都很恐怖。
在贤者社会里，大家互相隐瞒。
“我还没有读书呢~”
“哎呀，你这么厉害呀~”
放屁。
以导致当我真诚地告诉别人我还没有读书，别人也对我说：放屁。
我不能想像，一个人可以在众人面前和在书桌面前，是两个非常不同的人。
而且，还要隐瞒。
什么时候所有压力才会散去？
只有到死为止。
看那些为情事而心碎的，我好羡慕。
至少他们能够为爱情奔波，为它烦恼。
躲在房间，面壁思过，终究想不到自己能够有什么多余的时间去牵涉这个情字。
二十岁了，一直都是单身，可谓单身贵族。
要承受的，可真多啊。
外来的，内在的，统统都是压力，把我压得透不过气。
每当朋友谈论他们的童年，他们小时候看的卡通片，他们所玩所闹的趣事，我都只能静静地聆听。
我没有如别人无忧无虑的童年。
从小就背着重袱。
长大了，就开始寻找能够带着我飞的翅膀，抛弃了小时候寒窗的生活。
可是，我能够吗？
习惯了被人妒忌，被人崇拜，被人仰慕。
现在却习惯了为人垫底。
从先知成了现在的不知。
因而又出现了压力。
不认识我的人，一定会想错两件事。
第一，他们会认为我是很安静的。
错。
我之所以安静，是为了减少麻烦。
未办的事已够多了，我不想再为别人分担。
第二，我的年龄。
是因为我身边都是比我老的人，导致我看起来比实际上老？
还是生活上的种种压力，把我老化了？
人心难测。
表面上看起来和蔼可亲的人，其实都很恐怖。
在贤者社会里，大家互相隐瞒。
“我还没有读书呢~”
“哎呀，你这么厉害呀~”
放屁。
以导致当我真诚地告诉别人我还没有读书，别人也对我说：放屁。
我不能想像，一个人可以在众人面前和在书桌面前，是两个非常不同的人。
而且，还要隐瞒。
什么时候所有压力才会散去？
只有到死为止。
看那些为情事而心碎的，我好羡慕。
至少他们能够为爱情奔波，为它烦恼。
Thursday, March 18, 2010
To Be An Author Of My Own World
People who are working their dreams should appreciate what they have.
To be honest, my dream has never come true.
What I want is not what I am currently doing.
Sometimes I think, why have I been sufferring for all these?
Actually it is simple.
First of all, timing. Secondly, location. And lastly, society.
This is presented by 天时不如地利，地利不如人和。
Now, money is almost everything for human to live on this land.
No money no talk, one simple and 100% true sentence.
This is what I call I live at the wrong time.
Living in where I live, and staying at where I stay, where Chinese literature is poorly exposed, is what I call I live at the wrong location.
And the people surrounding us, who appear to be supporting more overseas production than locals', is the problem with society.
Although it has been long since I last write something I like, it is still my dream to be an author.
I don't care whether I will be as successful as many others, due to the reasons stated above.
I just want to be an author, in my own world.
I did not win a lot of medals and prizes, I did not earn any respects and praises from other people except my family and friends and also some teachers.
I just enjoy writing stories and philosophy.
Since the first time I was exposed to an essay which was a story type, I knew that was what I want to do, and I would enjoy doing it.
I had been writing for more than 5 years, before my works finally been recognised first by my tuition teacher.
Since then I kept trying harder and harder to improve myself, but a 65/70 mark is always hard to improve more especially in essay.
I knew I am not good enough, especially when compared to China students.
Their exposure to literature is way too much, this is what I mentioned as LOCATION.
Reading their essays made me realise that even if I got 70/70 for my essay, I would never reach their 75% standard.
But hey, those essays were chosen and of course were best of the best, right? So maybe I would still have something if I sit for their exam.
As time goes by, life is getting busier and I have to put aside my dream, to be an author of my own world.
It has been too long, until I start to forget how to write a poem properly, the stamina to finish a novel.
Life has to go on, without money there will be no life.
Even when you are severely sick, you will not be treated if you don't have money.
This is like what I mentioned, TIMING.
And the people around me would shake their heads, if I ever tell them: I want to be an author.
This is SOCIETY.
Well, that is not their fault, this is being realistic.
If any of you still remember SPM Chinese essay paper, the long essay question, the first question would be the same type, which is the most abstract, and which I called the one that requires most skill to write to get a good mark.
And I never write any other essays besides the first one, and I never get any mark below 60/70.
The point of writing this post is, I want to tell anyone who read this that ...
I miss what I could do, but now I have already lost the ability.
To be honest, my dream has never come true.
What I want is not what I am currently doing.
Sometimes I think, why have I been sufferring for all these?
Actually it is simple.
First of all, timing. Secondly, location. And lastly, society.
This is presented by 天时不如地利，地利不如人和。
Now, money is almost everything for human to live on this land.
No money no talk, one simple and 100% true sentence.
This is what I call I live at the wrong time.
Living in where I live, and staying at where I stay, where Chinese literature is poorly exposed, is what I call I live at the wrong location.
And the people surrounding us, who appear to be supporting more overseas production than locals', is the problem with society.
Although it has been long since I last write something I like, it is still my dream to be an author.
I don't care whether I will be as successful as many others, due to the reasons stated above.
I just want to be an author, in my own world.
I did not win a lot of medals and prizes, I did not earn any respects and praises from other people except my family and friends and also some teachers.
I just enjoy writing stories and philosophy.
Since the first time I was exposed to an essay which was a story type, I knew that was what I want to do, and I would enjoy doing it.
I had been writing for more than 5 years, before my works finally been recognised first by my tuition teacher.
Since then I kept trying harder and harder to improve myself, but a 65/70 mark is always hard to improve more especially in essay.
I knew I am not good enough, especially when compared to China students.
Their exposure to literature is way too much, this is what I mentioned as LOCATION.
Reading their essays made me realise that even if I got 70/70 for my essay, I would never reach their 75% standard.
But hey, those essays were chosen and of course were best of the best, right? So maybe I would still have something if I sit for their exam.
As time goes by, life is getting busier and I have to put aside my dream, to be an author of my own world.
It has been too long, until I start to forget how to write a poem properly, the stamina to finish a novel.
Life has to go on, without money there will be no life.
Even when you are severely sick, you will not be treated if you don't have money.
This is like what I mentioned, TIMING.
And the people around me would shake their heads, if I ever tell them: I want to be an author.
This is SOCIETY.
Well, that is not their fault, this is being realistic.
If any of you still remember SPM Chinese essay paper, the long essay question, the first question would be the same type, which is the most abstract, and which I called the one that requires most skill to write to get a good mark.
And I never write any other essays besides the first one, and I never get any mark below 60/70.
The point of writing this post is, I want to tell anyone who read this that ...
I miss what I could do, but now I have already lost the ability.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
关于新作品
如果结合了科幻、武侠、爱情、历史于一个故事，那会是怎样的呢？
其实我已经开始写了。只不过生活忙碌，没时间写，所以很慢。
生活忙碌并不是很多事情做，而是通常都比较不那么早睡，大概是12点左右。
而我最最最最能够发挥的时段，是太阳未升起的时候。所以就很少机会写。
再加上现在已经第5个星期了，考试即将来临。书，却还没有开始读。
写这个故事不是为了炫耀，不是为了荣誉。纯粹是为了我想写，我喜欢写。
而且这将是我停笔数年后再一次创作。
如吴老师说的，能写作是一种天分。如果连自己都不珍惜天赐于我的能力，我不知该说什么了。
所以我说过，有可能我不会把它放在织梦巷。
其实我已经开始写了。只不过生活忙碌，没时间写，所以很慢。
生活忙碌并不是很多事情做，而是通常都比较不那么早睡，大概是12点左右。
而我最最最最能够发挥的时段，是太阳未升起的时候。所以就很少机会写。
再加上现在已经第5个星期了，考试即将来临。书，却还没有开始读。
写这个故事不是为了炫耀，不是为了荣誉。纯粹是为了我想写，我喜欢写。
而且这将是我停笔数年后再一次创作。
如吴老师说的，能写作是一种天分。如果连自己都不珍惜天赐于我的能力，我不知该说什么了。
所以我说过，有可能我不会把它放在织梦巷。
Monday, March 8, 2010
RIP My Dog.
Yesterday was just like any Sundays I have had, sleeping till the sun burns my ass. But a phone call woke me up. It was my father, and he told me that in the morning Rocky was found dead.
Yes, it died!
Rocky had been our pet since I was 12, when I was in Form 1. That time it is still a puppy, like any other puppies, small, cute, foolish, weak and cries loudly and frequently. I still remember it was brought home in one box, and at first we kept it in the toilet, in the balcony, until finally in a cage inside the house.
Its favourite was any piece of clothes. That would be its toy when it was awake and its blanket when it is asleep. Its favourite food? All kinds of food.
Its first bark shocked all of us, when it barked at our visitors. That was loud and clear.
Then as it grew bigger, its head already touched the top of the cage. So father made a home for it, at a corner at our house compound.
Its life was an easy one. Barked at anyone who passed our house, but its biggest enemy was always the postman. Everyday ate 2 meals, got a walk before meals and pee and defecate. And when we still had some ayam at home, it would try to eat their shit, for what reason until now I still don't know.
It was trained to listen to command, but it only learnt how to SIT, UP, DOWN, 进 and 好吃. It would never stop barking even though we caned it, scold it or whatever we did to it.
During this pre CNY holiday, it was very ill. Everytime when someone got back home, even if we were just out for 1 hour, it would welcome us like 2 years never see us. Hopping on us, smelling everywhere and running around like mad. But when I went back home that time, it hid under the car. Didn't even come out. And before this it was a big eater. It ate everything we gave, and loved fruits, biscuits, its food and anything we gave la. But this time it didn't even eat anything. It had become skinnier and weaker.
Yes, it was already old.
And now, it is dead.
I miss its stupidity. When it stared at its food, saliva started coming out like waterfall. Cheated it with food to do something, and set the biscuit we threw to it. And everytime when I got home from school, from tuition, or after that from college or from university, there would be this member of my family who welcomed me with kisses, sometimes accompanied by urine.
Now, my family would be so quiet, without its bark. We would not know the postman had come. We would not know anybody come to our house, unless the visitors press the bell.
For its whole life, it had been loyal to us, although sometimes we gave it some pengajaran.
For its whole life, it only got a chance to have sex, and it did it quickly, in front of me.
For its whole life, it had been cheated so many times by food, but never give up to get it.
May Rocky rest in peace, and my personal wish to him is that he will be a human in his next life, so he will be able to enjoy all the food.
Yes, it died!
Rocky had been our pet since I was 12, when I was in Form 1. That time it is still a puppy, like any other puppies, small, cute, foolish, weak and cries loudly and frequently. I still remember it was brought home in one box, and at first we kept it in the toilet, in the balcony, until finally in a cage inside the house.
Its favourite was any piece of clothes. That would be its toy when it was awake and its blanket when it is asleep. Its favourite food? All kinds of food.
Its first bark shocked all of us, when it barked at our visitors. That was loud and clear.
Then as it grew bigger, its head already touched the top of the cage. So father made a home for it, at a corner at our house compound.
Its life was an easy one. Barked at anyone who passed our house, but its biggest enemy was always the postman. Everyday ate 2 meals, got a walk before meals and pee and defecate. And when we still had some ayam at home, it would try to eat their shit, for what reason until now I still don't know.
It was trained to listen to command, but it only learnt how to SIT, UP, DOWN, 进 and 好吃. It would never stop barking even though we caned it, scold it or whatever we did to it.
During this pre CNY holiday, it was very ill. Everytime when someone got back home, even if we were just out for 1 hour, it would welcome us like 2 years never see us. Hopping on us, smelling everywhere and running around like mad. But when I went back home that time, it hid under the car. Didn't even come out. And before this it was a big eater. It ate everything we gave, and loved fruits, biscuits, its food and anything we gave la. But this time it didn't even eat anything. It had become skinnier and weaker.
Yes, it was already old.
And now, it is dead.
I miss its stupidity. When it stared at its food, saliva started coming out like waterfall. Cheated it with food to do something, and set the biscuit we threw to it. And everytime when I got home from school, from tuition, or after that from college or from university, there would be this member of my family who welcomed me with kisses, sometimes accompanied by urine.
Now, my family would be so quiet, without its bark. We would not know the postman had come. We would not know anybody come to our house, unless the visitors press the bell.
For its whole life, it had been loyal to us, although sometimes we gave it some pengajaran.
For its whole life, it only got a chance to have sex, and it did it quickly, in front of me.
For its whole life, it had been cheated so many times by food, but never give up to get it.
May Rocky rest in peace, and my personal wish to him is that he will be a human in his next life, so he will be able to enjoy all the food.
Friday, March 5, 2010
残月 残光 残梦
今天和弟弟谈天一会儿。说谈天，其实是用手指谈天。
说到选择大学科系，我说十七八岁的年青人所作的选择总不是最终决定。往后都会后悔的。除非那是自小的梦想。
那么，我后悔吗？
老实说，是后悔的。可是当年我有选择吗？
没有。
所以要后悔也不能。
现在我担心的是以后毕业了，成为医生了，不会看病或者医错病。
日子难过，但我不难过。
该来的总会来。
该走的终会走。
我不再是昔日的我。
我一无所有。
等着死而复生吧！
几年了，心不沾情事。
心的颜色也变淡了。
有人问我，为什么不要找呢？
因为我要不会读书的。
说到选择大学科系，我说十七八岁的年青人所作的选择总不是最终决定。往后都会后悔的。除非那是自小的梦想。
那么，我后悔吗？
老实说，是后悔的。可是当年我有选择吗？
没有。
所以要后悔也不能。
现在我担心的是以后毕业了，成为医生了，不会看病或者医错病。
日子难过，但我不难过。
该来的总会来。
该走的终会走。
我不再是昔日的我。
我一无所有。
等着死而复生吧！
几年了，心不沾情事。
心的颜色也变淡了。
有人问我，为什么不要找呢？
因为我要不会读书的。
Monday, March 1, 2010
the new sem
life in campus have been good. but to think that now is almost half of 3rd week, i am quite worried for my coming block exam 4 more weeks later. omfg, why cant i santai a while more?
this sem has begun "peacefully". nothing eventful happen in my group yet although many people including me say "this is one topshit group in fk history" when we see the members. but everything is fine, there is cooperation, there is no disagreement YET and all tutorial sessions are finishing fast! this is what i like.
for now, the one who sit beside me the most in tutorials and labs is dai ko. well, he graduated from mmu, considered my brother's senior although different place they studied. he is elder than my brother, and LOL we are in the same batch now. since standard 5 i have been dealing with people elder than me most of the time. secondary school, ktt, and now university, still dealing a lot with elder people.
there are a lot more to come to this group, with a lot of tfss awaiting this sem. at the beginning i was quite scared that time would be slow in this group. but now it is already 3rd week, and i dont feel that it is slow. not like one of my groups last time. HAHAHHA!
5 more months, we will be 3rd year, another batch is coming, another batch is leaving.
raining now.
this sem has begun "peacefully". nothing eventful happen in my group yet although many people including me say "this is one topshit group in fk history" when we see the members. but everything is fine, there is cooperation, there is no disagreement YET and all tutorial sessions are finishing fast! this is what i like.
for now, the one who sit beside me the most in tutorials and labs is dai ko. well, he graduated from mmu, considered my brother's senior although different place they studied. he is elder than my brother, and LOL we are in the same batch now. since standard 5 i have been dealing with people elder than me most of the time. secondary school, ktt, and now university, still dealing a lot with elder people.
there are a lot more to come to this group, with a lot of tfss awaiting this sem. at the beginning i was quite scared that time would be slow in this group. but now it is already 3rd week, and i dont feel that it is slow. not like one of my groups last time. HAHAHHA!
5 more months, we will be 3rd year, another batch is coming, another batch is leaving.
raining now.
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