emo...

i got a sudden gush of emo... and this feeling is killing me. noone to talk to at the moment, all are busy with this countdown shit.
i think i am trying to hard... i push too hard on myself... i try to make everyone happy. but are they really happy after all what i have done? am i doing all these for nothing? i dont know. i feel helpless.
my first book is out, finally. and at some points i have conflicts. i do not want to take money because, you know, i feel guilty if people pay for it but in the end they are not satisfied with it. so i rather give it free, not even taking one cent. i am hurting myself for others' sake, but really, will they be happy?
for all these while, i have been a person like this. i sacrifice myself for others. when sharing a bed, when someone is going more than 50% of the bed, i would just keep quiet and sleep as little space i can. when others want to do something which i really like to do it, i would just let them do it and sacrifice my own happiness. when lining up to pay something or whatever, i would finish as fast as possible so that people behind me would not wait for long. when people want to borrow money, i would lend them without asking them to pay back. when i became member of a group to do an assignment, i would do anything i can to make the group happy.
but seriously, are they happy? and, am i happy?
after i got my book, yes, i am really happy. i can smile like one psycho when i look at my book. but when i think about printing it and giving it out, free, i start to have conflict. what if, people want it because it is free? after they receive it, will they even look at it once? will they not appreciate it? and afterall, this project is all by myself, with some help from others. but, still, i feel that... you know, something is not right.
i talked to my mother just now, and i didnt plan to talk about the price of the book. but i still cannot do it, and in the end i told. then, i start to feel guilty if i use money like nobody's business. even though this money is all by me and i have the rights to use them. but if i collect money, then the above thing will make me feel guilty.
i dont know. i am really emo now. and i feel helpless.
i have been trying to make people happy. but do they know that? do they even feel happy?