To Be An Author Of My Own World

People who are working their dreams should appreciate what they have.

To be honest, my dream has never come true.
What I want is not what I am currently doing.
Sometimes I think, why have I been sufferring for all these?
Actually it is simple.
First of all, timing. Secondly, location. And lastly, society.
This is presented by 天时不如地利，地利不如人和。

Now, money is almost everything for human to live on this land.
No money no talk, one simple and 100% true sentence.
This is what I call I live at the wrong time.

Living in where I live, and staying at where I stay, where Chinese literature is poorly exposed, is what I call I live at the wrong location.

And the people surrounding us, who appear to be supporting more overseas production than locals', is the problem with society.

Although it has been long since I last write something I like, it is still my dream to be an author.
I don't care whether I will be as successful as many others, due to the reasons stated above.
I just want to be an author, in my own world.
I did not win a lot of medals and prizes, I did not earn any respects and praises from other people except my family and friends and also some teachers.
I just enjoy writing stories and philosophy.
Since the first time I was exposed to an essay which was a story type, I knew that was what I want to do, and I would enjoy doing it.
I had been writing for more than 5 years, before my works finally been recognised first by my tuition teacher.
Since then I kept trying harder and harder to improve myself, but a 65/70 mark is always hard to improve more especially in essay.
I knew I am not good enough, especially when compared to China students.
Their exposure to literature is way too much, this is what I mentioned as LOCATION.
Reading their essays made me realise that even if I got 70/70 for my essay, I would never reach their 75% standard.
But hey, those essays were chosen and of course were best of the best, right? So maybe I would still have something if I sit for their exam.

As time goes by, life is getting busier and I have to put aside my dream, to be an author of my own world.
It has been too long, until I start to forget how to write a poem properly, the stamina to finish a novel.
Life has to go on, without money there will be no life.
Even when you are severely sick, you will not be treated if you don't have money.
This is like what I mentioned, TIMING.
And the people around me would shake their heads, if I ever tell them: I want to be an author.
This is SOCIETY.
Well, that is not their fault, this is being realistic.

If any of you still remember SPM Chinese essay paper, the long essay question, the first question would be the same type, which is the most abstract, and which I called the one that requires most skill to write to get a good mark.
And I never write any other essays besides the first one, and I never get any mark below 60/70.

The point of writing this post is, I want to tell anyone who read this that ...

I miss what I could do, but now I have already lost the ability.