The Beginning of My Duty as House Officer

Working life... have been tough for me. N i think for everyone too. Currently im working in Sandakan, far far away from my home, a place i never come n never thought would stay for years.

19/5/2014, i started my induction, which marks the beginning of my career. although that one week only sit, eat n sleep, but my salary started from that date. before that, i wanted to stay unemployed as long as i can, because i knew working life would be shit, n i wanted to chill n enjoy first. but i cant escape from reality, the medical degree im holding, means i have to go through shit. on the first night of induction, i got the letter of my posting. Sandakan. since then i had been busy searching for accomodation, because the hospital got no hostel or quarters for us.

24/5/2014, my whole family sent my youngest brother to his further studies. UNITEN doesnt look that bad, so he surely can do well there.  n thats also my last time i see all my family before i came to Sandakan.

25/5/2014, i came to Sandakan via MAS. i met her family, they were all good, n asked me to take good care of her. n i met my soon-to-be colleague Farid too. the journey was long, almost as long as Jogja journey. Sandakan airport is a small airport, n lousy as well. expected thing. we went to our own apartment, n i had to help her carry her heavy luggages up to second floor. n my own to first floor. Our apartment was just beside the big main road. so we could clearly hear all the cars n motorbikes passing. seriously annoying noisy shit. n there i met with my housemate, an indian lady, houseman too. she spoke of her 6 months experience here, a bit. apparently, we dont need to wear doctor coat, n during weekend just wear anything we like. we went Giant to buy some stuff, by public bus, n by the time we finished, its already quite late, n no more bus available. we had to call taxi, n the taxi charged per person, ridiculous thing.

26/5/2014, our first day in Hospital Duchess of Kent. total of 4 houseman entering this day, me, her, farid n nadiah. our pengarah gave us 2 choices for our first posting. O&G n medical. so me n her chose O&G. n since then...

for every new posting, we will undergo at least 2 weeks of TAGGING. while on tag, we need to work from early morning to late at night, everyday without rest. for O&G, its 6.30am to 10pm. for Paediatrics, what i heard is 6am to sometimes 1am. while on tag, we are supposed to learn everything, so that we can off tag n start operate, start on call. the first few days working, i didnt even know how the system work, things are so much different from my Koas time. n the short forms, seriously killing newbies. almost everyday i was scolded, from my MO n my specialists. from small minor things, to some quite serious mistakes, they would just scold in front of patients. until i had patient telling me that im very kesian kena marah in front of patients n she felt bad for me. i just smiled n said biasalah, memang i salah.

I finally off tag after 3 weeks, yeah got extended a bit but its ok for me, because i got more time to learn before i on call. my first on call was still 2 ho in antenatal, 1 in labour room, 1 in gynae. those in antenatal will take care of new admissions and the ward, those in labour room will take care of all the delivery, n gynae will take care of gynae, n go to OT if there is any case.

as more n more ho leaving O&G, n no new ho entering, after my 3rd on call, we only had 1 ho each in antenatal, labour room n gynae. n after that, on call no more from 2pm to next day 2pm (24 hours), but from 6am to next day 12pm (30 hours). i must say, working for 24 hours is tough, working 30 hours is tougher. n if there is any funny strange cases, or red alert, its hell.

we work more than 80 hours a week. compared with a teacher, who work less than 40 hours a week, n comparing our salary, seriously doctors are not that rich. n the amount of stress, between life n death, medicolegal n stuff, its challenging n scary. i have seen the one of the worst things in O&G, n that case stuck in our minds, even after almost or more than one month, i still can spell out the patient's name correctly.

there have been some patients telling me life as doctor isnt easy after seeing me working for long hours. those are good people, at least they are understading.

i try to mix well with the nurses. because i know i need them to help me most of the time. although sometimes they appear to be annoying, like asking me to pasang branula as if they cant do it n i have a lot of free time. but i just do it, because i depend on them a lot. they take vital sign, do pad charting, n measure urine. n clean shits. which i feel blessed they never come n say to me: doctor, patient itu dah berak, tolong pergi bersihkan.

i have time to write this entry, because i just finished my 30--hour call yesterday, n slept from 4pm to this morning, n im off today.

台湾之旅感想

去了台湾近两个星期，游了台南、台中、阿里山、花莲、九份和台北，花了不少钱买来这段美好的经历。虽然在九份时因为不舒服而只走了九份老街，遗憾错过金瓜石、菁铜、十分等。

台湾之旅给我的感触是，台湾人大致上都不像新闻看到的台湾政治人物互相丢椅子泼水的那般野蛮。

台湾人很准时。在台南过了一夜，一早要搭的士，我就打了个电话。电话上说的士三分钟后到。我们还很稳重地收拾、下楼梯，然后等。等了一会儿，怎么还没来？我再打电话过去。哈哈，原来他来了，又走了，因为三分钟后他来我们还没来。还有就是在奋起湖，司机阿龙说午餐后一点半开车。我们还无忧无虑地四处走到处拍照。结果他亲自跑来找我们，说都已经超过一点半了。在台湾各地的火车也蛮准时的，不像这里的，说好的十五分钟一趟，总是来不到。

在台湾很难找到路边的垃圾桶，通常都要到7-11就一定有。可是，路上却是很难看到垃圾。所以即使手上有垃圾，也不好意思随便丢。通常都要拿着，一直到7-11才丢。

以上两点真的让我佩服。我们这里的人啊，不会守时，垃圾乱丢。

在台湾，若是迷路了，或是不知道怎么走，随便问问路人，他们都会讲解得很清楚怎样走。但我一直都有看到外国人说我们马来西亚人很热情，我想我们应该也是会和外国人导航的，不是吗？

在台湾要找吃的，最重要的规则就是：看到很多人排队的就去买。因为同样的食物，一条街可以有几个档口在卖，但只有一个才是正宗的。虽然招牌大家都写多少年的老店、哪里最纯特产等。最夸张的是在花莲的曾记麻吉。三条路就有六间。害我不知道其中是不是有假的。后来问司机才知道，每一间都是曾记，是为了方便买家，所以这里一间，对面一间……

那时正是春天，天气冷，街上的人都穿得很厚。没有看到所谓的摈榔西施。由于冬季已过，到处都在大减价，要卖掉冬装，而换夏装了。有四季的国家不错的，总有服装大减价。因为如果今年的冬装卖不完，明年就被嫌过时了。

台北渔人码头情人桥

生活很忙碌。忙着休息，忙着睡觉，忙着打Dota，很忙很忙。忙到我又是很久没有来写东西。

农历新年了。终于又有机会回家过年。就觉得真的会肥很多。再加上二月十三号要回去毕业，都不知道会怎样。

接下来有一段时间，想想下，好像没有特别什么事情做。是有考虑练习练习创作。

但是，还是比较喜欢睡觉。

祝大家马年龙马精神

Talking about E-Sports

What is E-Sports? E-Sports is electronic sports, which can be interpreted as video games. Playing video games competitively, compete with other players, to win not only for the sake of fun, also for pride and money and many other more.

Recently, Orange Neolution E-Sports from Malaysia, got third place in The International 3, and prize of 287,000 USD.

Mushi, the captain of Orange, getting respect from the opponent, Dendi, after their defeat at The International 3.

By playing video game, this team which consists of 5 players, won 287,000 USD, nearly 1 million Ringgit Malaysia. If they get to divide equally this prize to each of them, one will get around RM200,000.

The five who almost entered the Grand Final of The International 3.

It is true that only very damn rare that you can earn money from playing video games. Like the case of Orange in Malaysia, who else play Dota 2 and win huge money? Out of thousands of Dota 2 players in Malaysia, only 5 make it. Some others may have won local tournaments but those are so little when compared to this RM200,000 per person, and hardly enough for living.

I always compare e-sports with football today. Playing football for many people is a hobby. But the selected ones can play football as their occupation, and earn money more than a lot of professionals. In a normal family, the parents will tell the children that playing football will not have bright future, important thing is to study properly. But some will still be football legends in the future.

Just the same for e-sports actually. For normal people, video games are just hobby. They will not promise you a bright future. But look at these Orange guys, they not only have this 287,000 USD prize, they have also earned respects from Dota 2 fans from the whole world. In certain countries, like China, USA, and a few more (sorry I don't know which country else), they really take e-sports seriously and have professional players who play video games and earn monthly stable salary. A Malaysian also move to China to play for a team from China, which was the Champion of The International 2. Just like these professional football players, who earn weekly stable salary. But of course the amount of salary still cannot be compared.

So Orange got 3rd place in the tournament, what about the winners?

Alliance from Sweden won the tournament, with 1.4 million USD. NaVi, a Ukranian based team, won 600,000 USD. 

The prize pool of The International 3.

How can a normal person earn nearly 300,000 USD, like those Alliance guys do? Even working for 5 years also damn hard to earn so much of money. But they have done it.

The Alliance not only lifted the Aegis, they also won 1.4 million USD.

This is an interview with mother of Dendi from team Navi, the first runner up from the tournament. Like normal parents, she did not agree with his video games. But what happened? Dendi has one first place, and 2 first runner up from this The International series, and a lot more prizes from other tournaments.

E-Sports is growing, and I really think E-Sports can grow to the size of football today.

That is my timetable for my clinical rotation, and finally I have finished everything except the last department, OBSGIN, or in full obstetric and gynecology. This means that I am supposed to be able to do everything a doctor can do besides those obsgyn related stuff. But, really? I doubt myself.

Life as a doctor who is not a doctor yet is actually quite good. I dont really have to be responsible on anything that happen, for example a patient has any complication, the real doctor will be the one responsible to handle that. Unless, I am so stupid to take a knife and stab the patient, then I am responsible for that. 

Jiwa, mata, bedah, THT (EnT), IKM (public health), anak, forensik, anestesiologi, interna, saraf, kulit. Often people ask, which one do I prefer to specialise in. And to most of the people, either layman or those who still not yet go through bedah, especially boys, would say "bedah is interesting". Maybe, but not for me. Although some of the operations are really interesting, I feel it is only interesting to watch how the operations go. This is only my opinion though, because I dont really like to cut living human flesh or burn it.

Some departments have interesting knowledge, but crazy scary life. Some have nice relax life, but confusing knowledge behind it. Worst stuff is, crazy scary life with confusing crazy knowledge. For example, forensic is actually damn interesting, learning how a person die and so on. But in reality, when the corpse comes at midnight with the letter from police, I have to go and touch and cut and examine the dead body, sometimes with maggots crawling all over the body, with the crazy smell. Dermatology (skin) has simple relax life, but it is so damn confusing, that one disease can be given different diagnosis by different specialists. And then there is internal medicine, where your life is not easy and the knowledge is like damn a lot.

There are a few interesting cases I have during this more than one year time. And from these I learned that medicine is actually more than just medicine, it is medicine as the base, plus social, economy, logical thinking, and a lot more. But of course, interesting in medicine most likely will end up a sad ending.

its so damn fast n its already june. i have finished 75% of my clinical rotation.

worst of all things is i have not been writing for a damn long time. really long. life has been quite occupied with a lot of things. so im thinking of writing something.

2013 after 2012

i dont know when is the last time i came here. finally today i suddenly remember here and come back.

hello blog, now its 2013 already.

2012 was a life-changing year. not because of 21 december, but due to the amount of big things that happened, that made me who i am today. i admit i am still one lazy bastard, who dont like to study, but at least after 8 months of clinical rotations, lots of different patients, different types of people, different doctors, nurses, residents, and other koas have taught me alot of things, that made me the way i am now.

facing the real patients, handling life and death first hand, but still a lazy me.

this is the only big thing happened in 2012 to my life as a medical student. oh, maybe one more, i have graduated the degree of bachelor of medicine. after 3 n half years of i dont know what i have done, finally i put on the pentagon, n switched the tail to the other side. although the university anthem is not nice at all, but i had tears for no reason.

as for my personal life... a lot of things have taken place. this is why i think 2012 is a big year. life was hard. emotionally. but i still have to face patients who were sufferring, so what i did, i wore mask just to cover my face.

during my rotation in paediatrics department, which i witnessed the highest amount of death among all up until now, i learnt one thing from a resident.
"Children of other people, I have to spend so much time to take care of, until I have no time for my own baby, until she cannot even recognise me."
thats doctors life i guess. a doctor spend time for others family members, until no time for his.

there were a lot more for my personal life, i dont think i should write all here. there were bad things, balanced up with good ones. or i should say, overpowered by the good things.

on 21 december 2012, i was watching the hobbit. fortunately, that wasnt the end of the world, and good things shall continue.

here comes 2013, a great year which i will finish my studies, continue saving lives, and make love no war.

在面子书上看老朋友毕业、做工，我想，我在这里还在做什么？毕业，继续做学生，在医院做还不是医生的医生。看朋友拥有假期，能够出国，我想，我什么时候有假期？当所有人都在庆祝他们的节日的时候，我还必须去医院，照顾生病的人。

选择这一条路，放弃自己的生活。吃，没有定时。可以在吃了这一餐后，下一餐是二十四个小时之后。睡，没有定时。可以一整天没有睡觉的时间，站在开刀的病人旁都能开始睡着。病，不能痊愈。即使是伤风，十天了还不能好，还一天一天恶化。

以前喜欢做的事情，现在依然喜欢，却因为没有时间而渐渐地忘了自己曾经喜欢做这些事情。每一天醒来就得想，这一天又会在哪里做错，被骂。然后要怎样才能找出时间休息。学着厚着脸皮，即使不懂都要在病人面前信心十足地解释，让他们有安全感，拖延时间直到真正懂的人来解释。

我曾经以自己的华语为荣，如今却可以一星期七天没有说华语。写，更不用说了。

中秋节

都差点忘了织梦巷的存在了，都因为这些日子都忙于织梦吧。

刚刚又结束了耳、鼻、喉，加上之前的精神、眼睛和外科，我已经完成四个部门了。

前几个月的日子有点糟，仿佛在这之前从来都没有如此狼狈过。远在海外，家里却发生了一连串的事情。我的精神也很压力，却不能够做什么。隔岸观火？有一点那种感觉。但是却是充满无助的观火，而不是不管我事地观火。

总算过去了。但是，失去的也已经是永远失去了。

我的外公，我竟然无法送他最后一程。

今天中秋节。

祝大家中秋节快乐。

3rd station: Surgery

today im going to go for my third station of my clinical rotation. n it is the department that is most anticipated by laymen - surgery.

i went back to malaysia for one week and just reached jogja yesterday. managed to be the first passenger of the flight to take taxi hahaha. n reach home very early.

in this department, i will spend 11 weeks here, n try my best to learn n see a lot of things. n pass in time. but seriously i dont know what i can do in this department, except some minor surgeries n skin suturing. what else? i cant perform appendicitis etc. n i have 11 weeks here. maybe some nice emergency cases waiting for me? i shall just follow the flow n enjoy it. watching live show in operation theatre etc.

毕业

2012年5月22号，我终于在Graha Sabha的台上，跟我在FK UGM第一个tutor，Dr Titi Savitri握手，拿一张很重要的纸。

Bachelor of Medicine / Sarjana Kedokteran

可是，这段时间发生了一些事。

母亲节当天，我还想要晚点和妈妈Skype。晚餐回来，我却收到消息，妈妈中风了。

那时我刚从Banyumas回来一天，才要开始新的stase，而且身体状况不是很好。听到这个消息，我崩溃了。晚上睡不着，饭吃不下。面对人，也一张苦脸。当Jai问我我有什么问题时，我哭着告诉他。

后来的几天我都过得不好。因为我自己学过什么是中风。

直到妈妈有好转，我才比较放心。

一开始，我不和别人说，是因为我不能说。说不出口。

直到今天，我也不会和别人详细地说。

原本的打算是全家人来我的毕业典礼。

事情发生了，我还打算要放弃毕业典礼，回去马来西亚。

但是没有必要了。所以就由我的哥哥弟弟们来出席我的毕业典礼。

我尽我的全力，让爸爸妈妈能够看回我的毕业典礼。所以，我订了毕业典礼的VCD。可是，不知道什么时候才能够给他们看。

明天我又要出远门到Cilacap去做工。

因为妈妈的事，我在这整个Stase Mata都没有心。曾经想就直接放弃，以后ulang就算了。但还是没有这样做。马马虎虎地过日子。

来到Mata，我学到最重要的，是Mata是最有钱途的医生。

其他的，我都不知道。

谢谢这段时间关心我和我的家的人。谢谢给于我家人帮助的所有人。

It has been a few days since I reached Banyumas... If you ever follow my previous post, and understand it, then you know the reason why I am here.

Psychiatry ward in Banyumas is really different from Sardjito's. Back in Sardjito, there are more than 10 doctors, more than 10 residents, more than 10 koas, and LESS than 10 patients, and the clinic is always empty. Here, there are around 100 or more patients in the ward, and the clinic is busy, and only 2 doctors with 4 of us.

Banyumas is damn hot. Everyday I am soaked wet. But here is damn relax and free. Monday to Thursday 7am to 2pm, Friday 7am to 11.00am, and Saturday 7am to 12.30pm. That was what I was told. In truth, when we have nothing else to do, Dr Basiran will say "Ayuk pulang!" And his favourite quote, "Yang penting di sini, jangan stress, santai aja."

Patients here are funny. But the critical patients... Scary. And today I just did ECT on a patient. Electroconvulsive therapy is manually-induced convulsion on patient by using electric. It is... scary. The patient will get tonic clonic seizure once he/she is electrified, and look as though he/she is dying... for a moment.

Somehow I enjoy talking and listening to the patients, as long as they are under control. Just play along, and it will be fun. Although sometimes they might over the limit a bit.

Schizophrenia is not that scary afterall, IF they are under control. So the important thing is, make sure schizophrenic persons have regular medication. Then, just chill, they are normal.

第二天Koas，只能说……自己算是站在粪池中的一座小岛中。虽然倒霉，很倒霉，但是要庆幸自己还有一小片立足之地。

Jiwa别人都说是最relax的。基本上在jiwa的病房是很少工做的。今天我去查看记录，到今天中午，只有9个病人而已。医生比病人多。必须住院的精神病患者，都是精神分裂症的。精神分裂症，就是schizophrenia，疯，kisiao。今天和一个病人谈了几句。很好笑。很可爱。可是，他是为什么被送来医院的？因为他打人。现在因为有吃药所以才可爱罢了。

虽然在医院一直就是在等时间过，但是回家却有很多功课。要找很多东西，要做很多事情，还要去病人的家！哇劳。

我的组员开始令我失望了。幸好和我们一起去Banyumas的这个印尼女生是我们的种类。所以我们在Banyumas的日子会过得比较轻松一点啦。明天还要坐她的车一起去探险，找病人的家……

也许是太久没有每一天固定的时间去上课，两天七点到四点我就累到很累了。因为我的大学生活，一直以来都是时间表有课才去上课的。有时候幸运的话，一天只有两个小时课，有时甚至可以是一整天没有课。课与课之间还有时间可以回家休息的。现在……就只能连续地在医院里等时间过，等到四点签名了就拿书包回家。两天了，我都是第一个回家的人。哈哈！

累。

KoAs

什么是koas呢？Koas在印尼是ko-asisten的简称。Koas就像是马来西亚的houseman，是还不是医生的医生。每一个在印尼读医科的人，如果想做医生，就一定要去koas，做好koas就正式是医生了。而我们马来西亚的呢，读完了医科，还要做两年的houseman，才能算是正式的医生。

由于我的OSCE Compre全部及格，所以我就很幸运地能够进koas的第一wave。经过了三天的pembekalan，前天终于分好koas的组和station。Koas的组竟然是两年不会有变化的。就是说这些人将陪伴我这koas的两年。我们的第一个station是jiwa，就是精神病的咯。这个station总共4个星期。Koas中有分大和小的station，大的station是10个星期，小的就4个星期。Jiwa算是小的station。再过几天，我就会去医院做工了咯。4月16号，我开始我的koas。

在第一个星期，我们就必须jaga了。Jaga有分jaga siang和jaga malam。Jaga siang是从下午两点顾到晚上九点，jaga malam是从晚上九点顾到早上七点。然后每一天去上课（做工）的时间是七点到四点。所以，如果不小心被选中jaga，就是……爽咯。

我的组总共有13人。我，jaikumar和shamini是international的，其余的都是regular的。Regular的同伴……我无话可说。至少在这三天pembekalan里，其中有三人是令我不爽的。但是，谁能知道日后相处得如何？我只希望，他们不要太令我不爽，不要太令我失望就好。毕竟，接下来的两年，昼夜相处的人就是他们了。

很不幸的，由于Sardjito（即我们最主要的医院）pembekalan的礼堂有灰尘，所以……我的旧病又发作。早上刚看完医生回来。希望在16号的时候已经能够正常地去医院了。

说说Jiwa吧。Jiwa是疯人去的地方。当然，不只是疯人。忧郁的、hyper的，都应该来的。在Jiwa的病房，有特别一点的地方，是像监牢的，是为了关疯人的。所以，是蛮刺激的地方。刺激不在看到血、断手断脚，而是我们要和病人一起疯、听疯人讲疯话、听忧郁的人诉苦……

作为koas的第一站，我相信jiwa将会有很大的影响。就像初恋那样难忘。怎么说呢……现在生病着，不能想太美的句子。但是，人生中的第一次，真的就会有很大的影响。所以说不定，以后我就成了psychiatrist。

Lucky & Nana

去年尾，我的家多了一个成员——一只mini pinscher，取名为Lucky，算是纪念已故Rocky才给这个名字吧？那个时候我在印尼，所以只有在skype和facebook看到它。

学人仰睡的Lucky

再过一段时间，我的家又多一个成员——一只german shepherd掺种，名叫Nana。它是母的，比Lucky小，但是体型就……将会比Lucky大很多。

超级贪吃的Nana。

可是这两只小狗都很笨。我完全是陌生人，看到我也是很高兴地摇尾巴。不会吠一下的。可能还小吧。Lucky也才大概半岁大，小便也不会提一只脚的。笨。

这两只狗……不像Rocky那样凶。吃东西的时候，直接把它们的食物拿走，也不会乱的。但是，它们彼此却会为了食物打架。

Lucky通常是先去找打架的那只。可是Nana比它大两倍有余，一脚压下去就倒地了。但是Lucky有一样本领，就是跑很快，而Nana很笨拙地，一定追不到它。两只狗，没事做就是打架。

Lucky只会吠猫。可是偶尔我还会看到它吠人。Nana只会吠Lucky，当它不和她玩的时候。

Lucky竟然很幸运地，可以和我的家人一起坐车出门的。Nana就……太大只太重了。现在半岁都不到，都已经嫌它大了。

打架。

笨狗。

回到印尼也有……四天了？我4月1号回来，今天已经是4号了。是的，今天是在印尼的第四天。

我在Solo着地。再乘车从Solo到Yogyakarta来，一小时多的路程。回到家的时候，家里没有水，没有internet。恶梦又重演了，而且是双重恶梦。

回到家又没有水，就不能清理房间。而且在这个一个月的假期里，我的房间好像有很多客人。地上有很多粪，没有错的话是老鼠粪。唉，没有办法，被迫小心一点。不小心中到leptospirosis死掉真是冤枉。

由于家里肮脏，又没有internet，便去Amplaz小血拼。买了隐形眼镜，准备改变自己。结果在店里学戴眼镜，应该有超过二十分钟，拼命地被chew和jai取笑，流了几公升的眼泪，才终于成功。

没有水的日子，就只好借leon的家来冲凉大便和刷牙。辛苦的日子……

隔日中午，水修好了。房间也叫mas ian洗干净了。也去剪头发了，但是剪到有一点短，所以就直接给头发站起来。

去Prosus的时候，人家说我变了很多……

Prosus简直就是……够力。若不是我偷看答案，我真的不知道自己要写什么。希望能够安全过关啦。

隔日，要去做medical check up，然后无所事事……晚上去Firstnet打game。

这样的日子真好。以往的假期，还必须担心接下来的semester要勤劳多一点，提高CGPA。现在，什么都不需要担心。真好……可是，花无百日红。再两个星期，就要去面对真的病人了。

先不管它。这几天很开心，就开心地生活几日吧！

初恋这件小事

在不到5天内，重复看了三次的戏，而且并没有闷掉……

这个假期即将结束。一个多月的假期，也只剩下一天有余罢了。一些朋友已经回去印尼，就像当时的我，一些朋友已经回来马来西亚，我还在印尼。总会有朋友，不会和我一起飞的。

这个假期算是我至今最昂贵的假期。我去了三个不同的地方旅行，三个不同的国家……先是印尼的Bali，再来是柬埔寨的Siem Reap，最后是马来西亚的KL。KL也算是旅行，虽然不是所有人会认同这一点。但是对我来说，去KL就是去旅行啊。

先说假期的开始吧。考完OSCE Compre后，其实就是我们正式的假期了。由于自己在Compre里表现得不好，我因此心情低落了一个星期。一整个星期不敢动我背去Compre的书包。一星期后才终于克服这个恐惧，看一次医生给我的评语……

继Compre后，我必须重考几个考试，分别是2.6，2.2，1.5和3.2。当时也不是很有心读书，因为心情被Compre打乱，而且还要赶完Thesis的最后一步。但是，都报名了，不读书也得考。看看运气吧。

之后就去Bali。在Bali的旅行，我想我已经写得够仔细。不需要再写了。

回到马来西亚，也没有多少天，就要去柬埔寨了。柬埔寨的旅行，我也是写得蛮完整的了。

从柬埔寨回来，我突然想到，反正弟弟要南下沙亚南，我应该可以跟他的车下去KL玩几天的。毕竟我已经很久没有去KL了。死Wing Seng叫我去Ipoh找他，所以我就想，可以在庆祝Lian Jae的生日后去怡保找他的。

去KL的第一天，我和LJ去Putrajaya看热气球。当然，不只是我们两人，还有他的女朋友。我，就变成电灯泡。看完热气球，我们去One Utama吃晚餐。

第二天，因为要等Teng和Tharan随时会来，我们没有出远门。死Wing Seng突然说他割包皮，叫我迟一点去Ipoh找他。什么道理啊？一开始是他叫我找他，现在叫我迟一些找他？

第三天，去Bukit Bintang那一区，因为Yan Yi难得来KL半天。Bukit Bintang变了一些，我已经有一点认不出Starhill，其他的还没有变太多。

第四天，也就是LJ的生日。原本是说要去Midvalley了的，但是突然Tharan有望和他的爱人出门，所以就改去Sunway Pyramid。结果，就这样让Chew遇上了他的天女，还直接拿了她的电话号码。这件事，真的让在场的我们，佩服得五体投地。晚上，我又赶去Midvalley和最老的朋友见面。直到Midvalley关店。

第五天，等Leon来、Teng回了之后，又去Bukit Bintang区。从Pavilion走到KLCC，然后看一些好车。这一天，在Pavilion看到人家fashion show，终于知道现在男子是要穿长袜，长到膝盖的那种。无聊。

第六天，去Midvalley和Garden浪费时间，看戏。晚上去Vertigo，又幸运地免费进Zouk。

第七天……回家。那个死Wing Seng，到最后还是放我飞机，跟我说他不能……不能……

从KL回来，不到一个星期，我就坐在这里写这一篇blog。这个假期，让我觉得……时间过得好快。三月二十一号，今年的SPM成绩揭晓。五年前，我去拿成绩，看到我的华语A2的时候，眼睛都被眼泪灌湿了。而如今……也五年了！Clubbing的那天，Nikki说我们都五年朋友了……老朋友了……也对啊，KTT的人都已经认识五年了！看一看日期……一年前，我就是在这个时候苏醒的。也已经一年了！时间，真的过得好快。快得这一个多月的假期，也好像眨眼就过了。

前几天，因《初恋这件小事》而开始看几部泰国戏。更夸张的是，五天不到，就重复《初恋这件小事》三次了。我开始想……不是想，应该说是幻想……我才刚苏醒一年，我需要多一段时间……才能完全清醒。

其实呢，自苏醒之后，我得了很多，很多。身边有更多朋友了。自己有更多长处了。懂得的事也比较多了。虽然到最后，我还是失去了最重要的东西，但是失去了不能挽回的东西，就只能继续走下去。曾经，我已经差不多连自己都失去。现在，我觉得……雨后，天晴！

虽然晴天有时会热得让人烦，但总比雨天什么都做不了强。我骑着摩托，甘愿被太阳晒到全身红红，也不要淋雨。道理很简单。所以，晴比雨好。而如今，正是我生活里的雨后晴天。

只是，不会有人理解的…… :(

现在我眼前最要做到的，很难做到的，是在五月二十二号之前把体重弄到七十公斤。能吗？我从去年的这个时候到今年的这个时候，减了差不多二十公斤。现在还要再减……没有力了。不然，就让我肌肉大起来，这样的话我就不在乎七十公斤了。

过了一年半载，我终于又有机会去KL。详情就不说了。我来说一点关于……朋友。

这一次南下KL，我是有想要和SP的朋友会合的。所以我就联络了Q。问她什么时候可以出来见面。Q是我从小就认识的朋友，认识她的时间已经超过了我生命的75%。她说，其他人都忙着应付考试。所以，到最后就只好是我和她的单独约会。

我本来以为，我和她能够在一起过上一两个小时已经是很不错的。哪知，却能够一直维持着没有冷场的情况，直到Midvalley关店。

在等她巴士的时候，她问我：男生和女生就不能有单纯的友谊存在吗？

我回答说：除非这个男生是gay的，或者已经有喜欢的人，不然是不可能的。

我也不知道为什么女生总喜欢思考这个问题。男生和女生要有单纯的友谊，真的那么重要吗？即使这对男女正演着孤掌难鸣，他们也可以是朋友的。为什么友谊一定要单纯呢？

我和Q彼此，我觉得我们的友谊算是单纯的。我可以在她面前说任何想说的话，也不怕被看小，不怕被取笑。我可以很自然地为她做一些事情，而不需要感到不好意思。反正就……已经说得很清楚，我们是朋友。朋友与朋友之间，即便有男女之别，也不会太尴尬。

可为什么当一个男生爱上一个女生，做我对Q做的事情，就会令其女生感到亏欠这个男生？令她感到不好意思？

我对Q说：当我走着走着，看到前面的一男一女，女的提着东西而男的双手空空，我会觉得那个男的很没有用。不管他们是不是男女朋友，我都会觉得男的很窝囊。

这是我的想法。也许，别人并不这么认为。

帮女生拿东西，如果两人之间是女生所谓的单纯的友谊，很简单，没有怨言，就直接让男生帮了。可如果这友谊不单纯，女生就会有理由来推掉男生的offer。这就是为什么，女生追求单纯的友谊？为了不感到愧疚？

很多时候，我真的不解。友情，是什么。朋友是你快乐的时候想起的人，还是悲伤的时候想起的人？朋友是陪你疯狂的人，还是陪你流泪的人？

友谊不单纯，又没有前途的时候，男生会希望放弃这段友情；女生却希望两人依然是朋友。友谊不单纯，却见有前途的时候，男生不会放弃这段友情；女生却开始处处远离男生。

结果送Q上巴士后，上天保佑，我没有丢掉来时的车票，所以就骗了一趟火车……

2012 Siem Reap 之旅 （三）

看到它木制的楼梯吗？那是现代的人做的。因为原本石头的阶梯，简直不能走的。

进去Angkor Wat，不是直接上去那五座塔。殿内的墙壁刻了很美的却看不懂的东西，还有很多佛像。走向正中间，就走到露天处，座落着那五座塔的位。

里面

雕刻

看到了

接着，就是要上去这五座宝塔了！要上去，需要排队。排很长的队。慢慢地，终于上去了……楼梯很斜，爬得很吃力。中间的那座主塔里，有佛像面对着四方。其他的……就跟着走啦。

佛像

接着，就去吃晚餐，然后走走一下，就回去睡觉了。

第三天没有那么早醒。我们今天没有再坐tuk-tuk。换了一辆mercedes的大van。今天去的地方比较远，大约30km。叫作Banteay Srei，一个比Angkor Wat早400年建的城市。Banteay Srei翻译出来，是女人的城市。我以为，又要走很多了。又看一下它的地图，从门口，一条直路走到中心。我以为那条路很长。到了，才失望一点。因为很短而已。也不知道这样的“城市”是如何被叫作城市。

这里虽然更老，雕刻却更精细。这是它的特点。但是它实在太小，游客又多，一直拍到人罢了。

Banteay Srei

看它的雕刻吧

城市？

Banteay Srei后，就去Landmine Museum。这个博物院是Cambodia Self Help Demining的NGO的创办人开的，主要是为了凑钱养一些被炸的小孩子还是孤儿（我不清楚）。这个人名叫Aki Ra，竟然是在2010还是2011（我忘了）得到CNN全世界TOP 10 Hero的。因为他去解地雷。柬埔寨是世界上有名的尚存地雷的国家，还能爆炸却还未爆炸的地雷的数量，世界可以算top的。所以，他才能做hero。是以，我们去的很多古迹外面，都有被地雷炸残的人士玩乐器，等人给钱。


刚巧那个时候，这个CSHD的advisor红毛人Moses在里面，就听他讲一些事情。他说，这个解炸弹的人至今还没有人死掉，反倒是没有故意去找炸弹的人才会被炸。

去了这里，我再想，Tonle Sap的越南人，会不会是之前打战之后，逃到湖上的？

博物院出来后，我们又去Banteay Samrei，一个很少人来的地方。终于可以安心地拍了。

Banteay Samrei

之后在Banteay Samrei外的简陋的店吃午餐，然后就去三座老殿——Lolei，Preah Ko，和Bakong。Lolei是一座简直就不能站立了的古庙。要靠木柱撑着和铁丝绑着。Preah Ko也是pattern和Angkor Wat一样的。Bakong是……比Angkor Wat老400年的东西。总之，又是看石头啦。

在柬埔寨，莲花真的很普遍。很多古迹外，通往古迹的直路左右，就会有莲花池。在夜市场，也很多人卖莲花子。

Lolei

Preah Ko

Bakong

之后有一些时间，我们又回到Angkor Wat外，坐在外墙的湖边过时间。

湖·吴哥窟

接着，我们就要爬山看日落。爬上山又一座古堡Bakpheng。也是要排队上的。

Bakpheng主殿

日落

晚上吃饭的地方，一大杯酒才0.50USD，马币一块半！吃了饭，就去Cambodia first night market走。我吃了本地的糕，叫ple ai大概这样叫的东西。蛮好吃的。充满爱的糕点哈哈。还有吃本地的pancake，这个pancake做法像roti canai，吃起来像……我不知道。

我在想，为什么我总觉得这里的美女很多？因为这里游客多，而且不像Bali的，多数是红毛人。在这里，亚洲人也很多。韩国、日本、台湾的美女，很多。看了很爽。本地人我也觉得很美一下，虽然皮肤比较黑。因为她们应该是少吃的缘故，身材娇小，就是我的菜嘛。

睡醒后，就回家咯。